I Win a Million Dollars

Read I Lose My Arms and Penis To Cancer
Read I Ask Questions

September 11, 1995

Dear Sister XXX,

Guess what? Yesterday I won a million dollars at Bingo. The dog next door told me how to play and he has glowing red eyes and he always talks to me and he says he is my friend. Sometimes he says bad things about God but I think he just needs to go to the bathroom more. No one believes me. Why was I born? Are your feet still sick? I would pray for your feet but my friend Barney says God does not listen.

 

October 6. 1995

Dear Sister XXX,

Hello. How are you? I am fine. I have a question that I hope and pray you will answer. Yesterday afternoon I told this fat lady Eunice that she is so ugly that her face would stop a sundial and that her brains were in her butt and that her breathe smelled bad. Sometimes when I look at Wheel of Fortune in the day room I sit by her and she picks her nose and yesterday I also told her that she was a pig. Anyway last night she died. Is this my fault? My friend Barney says it is. I thought it would be better to ask a Holy Person instead of a regular person. My friend Nurse Joan says that I should always tell the truth but that sometimes I should not. I do not understand this but my friend Barney says that I killed Eunice by saying bad things to her. Guess what? We had French fries last night. Well I guess that is all for now.

Yours truly,
Paco S.

 

October 25, 1995

Dear Sr. XXX,

How are you? I am fine. Who is Fred? Are his teeth rotten? If God is always watching me don’t his eyes get tired? Does He wear glasses? If He is always watching me how does He throw lightening bolts at the Russians? My new roommate’s name is Ishmael and he says he invented the wheel. I have never known a famous person before. I guess that is all for now.

Yours truly,
Paco S.

 

November 14, 1995

Dear Sister XXX,

How come you never answer my questions? This hurts my feelings. My room mate Ishmael says that you are a fraidy cat. Last night I watched the news on the television.

Yours truly,
Paco S.

* * *

I never heard from her again.

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