I Ask Questions

Read I Lose My Arms and Penis To Cancer

Unfortunately, I no longer have Miss XXX’s replies. I threw them into the garbage, along with other reminders of the warehouse, when I moved into my own apartment. I recently discovered my end of the correspondence saved on an ancient floppy disk. Her letters were brief—just two or three sentences scrawled on undersized dimestore stationary festooned with images of flowers. In her initial reply, Miss XXX informed me that a chaplain visiting her nursing home had christened her a deacon (hence the “Fr.” greeting). She also claimed to “love” and “care about” me.

* * *

July 25, 1995

Dear Fr. XXX,

Thank you for loving me and caring about me. Sometimes when I go outside, people throw rocks at me and call me stupid. My friend Nurse Joan says not to worry and that I should be like Christ and forgive them and that these people are ignorant.

I want to ask you some questions but my friend Nurse Joan says this is rude but I told her that Jesus still loves me no matter what. Here are my questions. Do you say church in a big beautiful place? How come a priest has a girl’s name? Doctors have cut off both of my arms and my penis because of cancer which might kill you. If I am real good and I die and I go to Heaven, will they grow back? I think a priest should know this.

Yours truly,
Paco S.

 

August 10, 1995

Dear Fr. XXX,

Thank you for your beautiful letter. Some of the nice people here have told me that nowadays girls can be priests. I think this sounds like a Communist plot but since I trust God it is O.K. with me to.

I am ninety years old and my favorite color is blue. How old are you and what is your favorite color? Also why do you write to strangers? Does a man give you a bag of money? I have to go now because Webster is on the television. He is my favorite and someday I hope I will meet him.

Yours truly,
Paco S.

 

August 22, 1995

Dear Fr. XXX,

Thank you for the nice letter. I like red and pink fine to. I am very confused why you love me and care about me when no one is yelling at you to. I would also like to know what kind of car you drive.

Sometimes I imagine my friend Nurse Joan only wearing her underwear and it makes me feel funny. Does that mean I will burn in Hell? I am very worried about this and my friend Barney said I should tell a priest. Today they had creamed corn for lunch and tomorrow they will have raspberries for desert for dinner. Em good.

Yours truly,
Paco S.

 

August 31, 1995

Dear Sister XXX,

How are you? I am fine. I am hot but every night I pray to our Lord Jesus Christ for cool weather. I am sorry that you have a bad eye. Did you get a bad eye in a fight? Yesterday for crafts time we made pot holders and since I do not have any arms I used my mouth and it tasted yucky and my friend Nurse Joan said I was making a spectacular of myself so I stopped.

My friend Barney says that God made boys smarter than girls. Is that why you won’t answer some of my important questions? A nice man named Dr. Bundick in a white coat said that if a person loves you and cares about you they will always tell you the truth even if it isn’t happy. My friend Barney says that Christians have their heads up their butt only he did not say butt he said a bad word. Is this true? Plus my friend Barney says that in the olden days people in charge used to give the Christians to lions and the lions ate them up. Is this true? If it is true I think I would rather not believe in God. Sometimes my friend Barney smells like whiskey and talks funny but he is alright. For lunch today I had a grilled cheese and cheese is my favorite food. Oh well I have to take my medicine now. Good bye.

Yours truly,
Paco S.

One Response to “I Ask Questions”

  1. Ray Says:

    “making a spectacular of myself”

    Outstanding.

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