Sanctioned Imbeciles Botch My Appendectomy 2 — Escalating Distress

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Suddenly the events of the past nine days bombarded me: dimwitted ambulance drivers, fuck-stupid nurses, arrogant butcher doctors, grotesque hallucinations (and I found out later, Last Rites).

The first thing I learned at the warehouse: Never ask other residents how they’re doing. If you politely ask, say, a co-worker about their health or mood, they usually answer “fine” and that’s that. Inmates at the warehouse responded to such casual inquiry by grousing about their aches, pains, and recent hospital stays; they described in detail the frequency and quality of their bowel movements, the ungratefulness of their children, and ultimately the hardships of securing government handouts. Chirpy do-gooders who took pity i.e. felt superior to elderly and lonely residents reinforced this irritating behavior under the guise of encouraging self-expression. I resolved never to pick up the habit of whining.

Several years into my stay, relentless nausea enveloped me. I couldn’t put my finger on the cause, chalked it up to stress and shitty food. I didn’t complain to the charge nurse but daily guzzled multiple doses of Mylanta (which seemed to me watered down). After a few days, the charge nurse predictably suggested that I go to the hospital. The staff strived to avoid both work and lawsuits—such circumvention took precedence over properly caring for people—and often sent healthy residents to the hospital for minutiae like a garden-variety upset stomach or heartburn. I’d already experienced the debacle of staggeringly ignorant subhuman puppets manipulated by the American medical system; under no circumstances did I want to end up back in an urban hospital. Fortunately a resident had the legal right to refuse any treatment at any time for any reason.

One afternoon the nausea intensified, then morphed into a severe pain emanating from my left lower stomach/upper pubic area. My condition became obvious, and I conceded to myself that I had no choice but to surrender my life to snooty half-witted dickslaps and their lickspittles. I laboriously wheeled to the other side of the building where the nurse dispensed medicine from a cart on casters—my slightest movement triggered world-class pain. When I informed her of the recent development and asked her to phone an ambulance, she seemed delighted. She spent the next half-minute gloating that she’d been correct in her scripted assumption, then scolded that she’d have to finish “passing out meds” before she could tend to me. Only my acute distress kept an angry reaction in check.

4 Responses to “Sanctioned Imbeciles Botch My Appendectomy 2 — Escalating Distress”

  1. Kelly Says:

    Well, that’s where not being a whiner pays off. When something really is wrong, people listen.

  2. jim k- you know me Says:

    i’m just getting over a streph throat. being sick always sucks- well unless one has a million paid sick days coming to him, like me. then it sucketh a little less. the money thing, ya know?

  3. jim k- you know me Says:

    oh and by the way- i could use one of those iron lungs- like the one in the pic with the hot 1955-era phillipino nurse.

  4. Stinkfister Says:

    No Kelly, they don’t always listen. And sometimes they don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you, even if you whine.

    Jimmy, do you think anyone gives a shit about your fucking streph throat? Is there anything worse than being a “little sick” in your world? Are you even reading this man’s blog? Unbelievable. One of the most powerful blogs I’ve ever read, and apparently only the tit suckers of pop culture are reading it.

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