Sanctioned Imbeciles Botch My Appendectomy 4 — Reckless Opinion

Read Part 3
I laid on a gurney in the ER for close to an hour. In all that time, no doctor bothered to examine me. Finally some faceless drone wheeled me out of the ER and upstairs to a room, where an astonishingly irresponsible strategy unfolded.

A fitful sleep overtook me as soon as the drone shuffled out of the room. I can’t remember for certain, but I likely passed out from the pain. Twenty minutes later a diminutive grandmotherly nurse woke me. She assumed that I must be tired from the day’s “excitement” and kicked off a litany of questions by asking when I last “made a poopy.” After struggling to focus and softly grunt answers, I managed to describe my horrific pain and emphasize the probable cause. She chuckled and insisted that my “ouchie” couldn’t be that bad, “We pro’ly jus’ gotsa little tummy ache.” She went on to explain that the “doctor-man” —whose name I’d never heard previously—had ordered her to give me an enema*. According to her, he’d wait to find out if a geyser erupting into my rectum doused the pain before he acted further.

I had yet to actually meet this “doctor-man.” The warehouse staff assigned each resident’s case to a doctor based in a specific hospital. They assured residents that their chosen doctor would treat them in a medical emergency—bullshit. And the pedestrian mental image of liquid slogging my swollen and inflamed appendix terrified me; I’ve since learned that nurses routinely administer a barium enema when appendicitis is suspected. (A few weeks after this fiasco, I confirmed that nobody x-rayed me.)

Severe pain clouded my rational thought and acute physical illness rendered me phenomenally weak. I couldn’t fight the clueless RN as she jammed the tube up my ass. After she’d carried out the doctor-man’s orders, I passed out. I have no idea how much time had elapsed when a marginal dream-like consciousness visited me: A blanket pinned my body against a gurney parked in a dim room among a handful of other horizontal sedated patients awaiting surgery. I recognized the doctor that loomed over me as the condescending asswipe I’d had the misfortune to visit months earlier for some unrelated issue. (Luckily I’d conducted myself in a civil manner at the appointment.) He glared at me while slamming a manila folder into the chest of the nurse groveling next to him, snorted: “Yeah, I know him,” then checked his watch as I slid back into bizarre oblivion.

* When I was a kid and my mom drove me to a dreaded doctor’s appointment, she sometimes joked that he’d likely give me an enema. I’d protest that nobody was gonna stick a hose up my butt. Then she’d laughingly advise: “But you haven’t lived until you’ve gotten an enema.” Now I know what she meant.

3 Responses to “Sanctioned Imbeciles Botch My Appendectomy 4 — Reckless Opinion”

  1. Kelly Says:

    Which is exactly why going into a hospital without a family member or friend to act as advocate feels about the same as going out in the street and lying down in traffic. What is wrong with our medical system(s)? Society? Yikes.

  2. ray Says:

    Shit, man, every time I think this tale has reached the apex of creepy, you bump it up a notch. At the end, are we going to find out they sewed baby kitten heads where your toes used to be, or something?

  3. Jean Says:

    my son had appendix removed and sob dr. botched the surgery, 2 days later he was almost dead and the kicker is, he would be if not for the fact that myself and his wife stayed by him and noticed he wasn’t gettin’ better, almost bled to death before we could make staff and drs. listen to us. they did emer. surgery and saved his life then, several weeks later, app. to same dr. for followup, was told he was fine, next day I took him to ED, he was going into renal failure, now he has crippling pain in his gut and a constant diarhea, and is in so much pain I worry for his sanity.

Leave a Reply